I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize