So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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