Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
