This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
