She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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