dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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