In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
