After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
