Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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