I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
