No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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