Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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