Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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