I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
