i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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