Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
