I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
