I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize