I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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