Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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