he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
