You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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