I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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