my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize