Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
