I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
