Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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