well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
