I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
