Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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