Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can't special order awesome
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
