Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
