WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
