I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
