In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
