I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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