i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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