And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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