Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
