I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
