I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
