I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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