One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
