I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
