so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
