Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
