So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
