So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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