I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Someone signed my nipple.
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