I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
