When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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