ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
