twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
