I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
