I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize