Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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