we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
