You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
