Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
