I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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