Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
