smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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