It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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