so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
