Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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