Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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