Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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