Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
