Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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