At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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