Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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