drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
