Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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