okay pat passed out under dana's car
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
