We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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