I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
