there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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