one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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