I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
