I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
