My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
