Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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