I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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