I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am midnight drunk by noon
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
