The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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