I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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