Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
