we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
