Where are you?
In a non slutty way
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize