I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
